In Looking for Peace, I Found Love

 
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In being in a relationship that was filled with so much drama and uncertainty, for a long time I found myself longing for peace.

In trying to stay in all I knew, making all sorts of excuses and even pretending things weren’t so bad, I realized I was fooling myself.

The fear of having to stir things up and rock the boat, had truly paralyzed me. I knew I deserved to feel better in my relationship and that my children were picking up lots of behaviors that were unhealthy. As much as I thought I could get out of it alone, it was impossible for me to maintain the strength to stay true to my ultimate decision of leaving.

My desire for peace was so powerfully strong, I had stayed in turmoil and chaos thinking it was the only way.

Little did I know that I could have never found what my heart was yearning because the storm had been my way of life.

There was no weathering the storm because I was the storm. I became the wrath of darkness I was running from. By staying in the chaos I became just that. It was hard to see that staying was a choice I had unconsciously made and that leaving seemed impossible.

As I spoke to others who love me and wanted to help, the more support I found to finally decide that there was no turning back.

I began to experience peace and that began to fill me with self love. I could see the beauty in me and began to fall in love with me. For the first time in a long time, how I felt took presidence over having to please someone else and justify their truth while losing my own.

It was at that very moment I knew that loving me gave me the peace I was longing for. Loving me meant I could say YES to me and NO to others. Loving me filled my being with so much unrecognizable peace that I could stay in that joy and bliss for hours at a time.

Im so deeply grateful for the day I chose peace that led me to choose love.

Love and light,
Aileen C