It's Your Turn To Choose You

We are all a victim of something in our lives that made such an enormous impact that the event made it life changing for us. When we realize how much that day, that specific moment, that minute, the second the intention was put out to create the tragedy that marked us, we were left with just that, a mark. The mark could be called many things such as trauma, an episode or even a nightmare. The feelings of being robbed of our own essence. The unspoken permission we gave that someone who took our power away. The exasperating feeling of being left stuck in a void that is cold, dreary, emotionless which ultimately paralyzes us. The not knowing what to do next.

Who did this awful gesture? Why would they harm us that way? They said they were our friend or even more impactful when they said they loved us. The enveloped feeling of despair and abandonment clearly changes all that we use to be. The urge to move on quickly and not disclose the horrific experience we just lived, leaves us feeling ashamed and the embarrassment too much to handle. Feeling we did something to deserve what just happened, not knowing what to do next or who to turn to that will not think we have lost our mind, is too much to process. The next best thing is to make a valid choice to forget the incident even happened. So we decide to block it from our memory. Store it away where it will never be recalled as a part of our life.

Pretending we are alright and that the victimization never occurred. We choose to minimize and by doing that, we accepted that what was done on to us was acceptable. We begin to believe it was our fault, we asked for it, we should have known better and that it’s better to take it than to confront the perpetrator.

At this point, we have lost all hope of a normal life. We have given up our drive and motivation to be special and to be on purpose to create great things. At this point, we have given up our identity, disconnected from our essence, our in inner child, our bodies  are in shock with very little energy flowing. We have just began the process of self-destruction. We have been violated at all levels. Our innocence and belief in good things has been shattered. As our inner child gets disconnected, we lose that fun loving spirit of being filled with joyfulness and freedom to live out each moment to its fullest.

We begin becoming more serious, emotionally detached, guarded and putting up a wall not only to protect from anymore bad entering but blocking all the good in store for us as well. We begin to live our life with no direction, little purpose and filled with more tragedies and episodes of chaos. It is like being in reverse. All that is good we push away and what is not so good we extend an invitation. It is like having an opposite day or an opposite life. We become a soul less zombie walking along the path of life feeling empty and scared. Anticipating the next tragedy that will be coming into our life. When asked how we are doing we can only say we are okay because we have lost all connections to our own truth.