Do Your Relationships Define You?

How many times does someone ask you how you’re doing, and your response is geared to whether things are good with your partner or not?  When did you lose yourself in the relationship? When did being in a relationship define who you are?

We were born into this lifetime alone and will die alone; however, it is obvious that we tend to lose ourselves in our emotional relationships and then find ourselves even more lost when something goes wrong.  It is obvious that we are so consumed in the relationship that we give up all we have to making someone else happy. We decide to give up spending time with family and friends. At times, we even give up time with our own children just to show our love and dedication to our significant other.  When we look at balance in our life, we find that we paid a very big price to be there for our partner and we even stop doing things that we enjoy because it becomes all about them. If they enjoy sports, we learn to be part of that and if they don’t enjoy shopping we tend to minimize that outing. We even begin to think like them and see their point of view as the best one which means our opinion begins to take the back seat.   

At that point, we must take action and realize that our love for our partner took over our own self-love.  Our belief in them being perfect, took away our self-esteem. Our deepest desire that we would feel secure and protected by them, left us with a deep void difficult to fill because we have been left alone by the one person we thought had it all together.

What were we seeing in them that was so great? What could they have said or done that left us mesmerized in the abyss?  How could we have given away our power, our personality, our dreams to follow someone else’s?

It’s not that you did too much, it’s that you gave it all away!!! You gave what you had and what you didn’t have.  You forgot to leave some for yourself. What is even worse, is that they thought it was okay for you to live for them and not for you.  It makes it hard to look back and see good intentions or even a friendship from that relationship because you are left feeling like a fool.  The feelings of shame for acting so week is debilitating. The thought of being broken by someone who didn’t acknowledge you as special enough to make it work, left you confused.  The idea of being vulnerable with the next person is terrifying.

Then you wake up one day and realize the biggest fool of all was them.  They didn’t see how amazingly awesome it is to have someone hold their hand, caress their face, kiss their lips and be in splendor in their presence. They are the ones who didn’t see how beautiful a life to be with someone who saw life through their eyes and held their breath at the moment of being together.  They overlooked the beauty you carry in the inside of your enlightened soul and the sparkle in your eyes while staring at them. It was never you who was left broken, it was your soul that helped you stop trying. You deserve to be defined by all that you bring into someone else’s life just by merely being in your presence.  Embrace You!!! Caress You!!! Be in love with You!!! Then, and only then, will the right partner find you because they can’t fathom a moment of not spending every day of the rest of their life with someone like you.