I Lost Me

I thought for sure I would have success in my life because I did everything I was supposed to do.  I married my high school sweet heart, had 4 amazing children, went to college, followed my dream in the psychology field, had a successful private practice, was successful as an entrepreneur, but I felt something was missing.  I felt that there had to be more than just following what everyone said I was supposed to do.

I woke up one day to find out that I was sad.  There was a void that nothing could fill.  I worked so hard at being the best at everything that I lost me.  It was that one day I woke up knowing that I didn’t want my kids to see how sad I was.  I was good at hiding and pretending everything was okay that I had fooled even me.  I worked so hard at making it all seem okay that I lost the essence of my true self.

In a world where everything is good just because the façade looks great, I fit in just fine.  It was at night when I laid my head on my pillow that I would stay up trying to find new ways to reinvent myself repeatedly to fill the void that was buried deep within my soul. That is when I felt disconnected to my soul essence. 

The separation of my true self and the person I had created, were very different.  It all came to me in my work with clients as I was empowering women to create the life they loved, the life of their dreams, and all along I was talking to me.  It was so scary to think that all I had created was wrong.  I had to search for what was working and begin to fill that space with love and honor.

I went into what I knew I was ready to release in my life that no longer served me.  Then I was left with the hardest part of all which was leaving a relationship of 37 years with the person I had married that made me appear stable and all together because who stays in a marriage so many years unless its spectacular.  My family, marriage, work, career, all defined me as being successful and having it all together except I was not happy and Isn’t that what we all want to be? Isn’t that what we want for our kids and for our loved ones? Imagine!!! It was happening to me!!! As a therapist, I should have known better. 

I worked helping clients step into greatness and find happiness and I had lost myself.  What now? I decided to share my story and make my experience my greatness.  The courage to walk away from all that I knew as stable to all the unknown filled me with an unrecognizable freedom I had not experienced.  I began to feel my soul light up.  The sense of peace and inner joy consumed me.  I felt like I could breathe again without grasping for air.  It was evident that my new journey was for me to do it alone.  It has been the most empowering experience ever.